DHS Y4 English Personal Voice (with student samples)

DUNMANHIGHSCHOOLYear42022EnglishLanguagePersonalVoiceinWriting PERSONALVOICE 1. Whatispersonalvoiceinwriting? Let’stakealookatwhatthewritingassessmentrubricssay. Highlightwordsandexpressionsthatindicatewhat“personalvoice”is. Band1(14-15m) ● Overall,theanswerdemonstratesaconfident‘personalvoice’withassuredcontrolandrangeofexpressionthroughout. ● Someerrorsmayoccur, butthesearefewanddonotimpedemeaninginanyway. ● Ideasarecommunicatedwithconfidenceandconviction. Band2(11-13m) ● Overall,theansweriswell-controlledandexpressedwithsomeevidenceofbreadthofsentencestructureandvocabulary. ● ThedegreeoftechnicalaccuracywilldeterminethemarkwithintheBand,buterrorswillberelativelyminor. ● Thereisacoherentoverallstructure. ● Responseissecurethroughoutandmorethangenerallycompetent(Band‘C’),butlackingthequalityandassuranceofBand‘A’. Y4EL2022/Essay/Term3/JoshuaSng Page1

Band3(8-10m) ● Overall,theanswerischaracterisedbyagenerallevelofcompetence. ● Theremaybesomeambition,buterrorsdetractfromtheoverallclarityofexpression. ● Answersawarded8willlackconsistentclarityasaresultoffrequenterrorsandunsureorlabouredexpression. ● Ideascanstillbediscernedwithouttheexaminerhavingtoconstruethemeaning. Band4(4-7m) ● Overall,theanswerischaracterisedbygeneralfaultsofexpression,includingspellingorgrammarorpunctuation. ● Notallofthesemaybepresent,butthemeaningisnotsecurelycommunicated. ● ThedegreetowhichthisoccurswilldeterminethemarkawardedwithintheBand. ● Somere-readingmayberequiredbytheexaminer, butideascanthenbededuced. Band5(0-3m) ● Overall,theanswerischaracterisedbyheavyincidenceoferrors,resultinginseverebreakdownofmeaning. ● Theexaminermayneedtore-readtheanswerinordertounderstandanyessentiallineofthought,butnoideasmaybededuced. ● Award0markifnothingintheanswermeetsanyofthecriteria. Y4EL2022/Essay/Term3/JoshuaSng Page2

2. Whatispersonalvoiceinanutshell? ● AssuredWriting o Completecontrolofvocabulary, sentencestructures,organisationofideasandcontent,andaccuracyoflanguage. ● ConfidentWriting o Confidenceisdemonstratedinyourstyleofwritingandtheamountofknowledgeyouhaveaboutthetopicyouarewritingabout.Confidenceisskilledargumentation. ● ConvictedWriting o Youhavechosenatopicandpromptyoufeelstronglyabout.Thereispersonalinvestmentinyourwriting,Theessayyouhavebirthedisnotjustataskyouhavecompleted.Itisnotachorethathastobedone.Itisanextensionofyourself. ● *UniqueWriting o Itiswritingthatcouldhaveonlybeencreatedbyyou. *Notstatedexplicitlyintherubricsbutsomethingthatallteachersofwritinghopefortheirstudents😊 Y4EL2022/Essay/Term3/JoshuaSng Page3

TextA Readthesampleofstudentwritingbelowandidentifyevidenceof(1)assuredness, (2)confidence, (3)conviction, and(4)uniqueness. Inwhatwaysaremajorglobalcrisesaffectingyoursociety? Observations Accordingto US biologistBarry Commoner, ‘theenvironmentalcrisisis a globalproblem,andonlyglobalactionwill resolveit’. This is applicablenot only toenvironmentalcrises,buttoglobalcrisesinvariousaspects.Globalcrisisis a timeof intensedifficultyor dangerthataffectscountriesaroundthe worldin economic,social,political,andmanyotheraspects.Its impacton differentgroupsof individualsmayvarydueto thedifferentcultural,socialandhistoricalfactors.My society, Singapore,hasmanagedto discovermoreopportunitiesforinnovationsandunityin timesof crisis,butit is alsofacingthechallengeofdeepeninginequality. GlobalcriseshaveboostedSingapore’s innovativecapabilitybyforcingit tostepoutofitscomfortzone.Thiscanbeshowninthecurrentcrisesofenergyshortageandglobalwarming.As globalwarminghasresultedin worldwidedisastrousimpacts,suchasflood,droughtandhurricanes,Singaporehastakenupthischallengetojumpontothebandwagonofsustainabledevelopment.For instance,theSolarEnergyResearchInstituteSingapore(SERIS)hasembarkedonresearchprojectstodevelopphotovoltaicmodulesthatcanbeintegratedonbuildingsurfacesapartfromroofs,suchasthefacade.TheprojectcanreduceSingapore’s relianceonfossilfuelsandspurSingaporeto theforefrontof cleanenergytechnology. Thisis alsothecasein theongoingCovid-19pandemic,whereSingaporeactivelyusedthecrisesasanopportunityto promotee-commerceandremoteworking.Localbusinessesalsousedit asa chancefortechnologicalupgrading.Hence,Singaporenotonlymaintaineditsstatusasoneofthemostcrucialeconomichubs,butalsomanagedtoemergefromtheglobalcrisesstrongerthroughinnovationsandcreativity. Globalcriseshave also enhancedpeople’s senseofbelongingto SIngapore.In timesof crises,governmentresponsesarecrucialin determiningtherateofrecoveryof Y4EL2022/Essay/Term3/JoshuaSng Page4

societyandthedegreeof disruptionin people'slife.In thecaseofSingapore,thegovernmenthasevidentlybeenhighlyeffectiveandresponsibleinitsreactiontowardsglobalcrises.Forinstance,in theglobalrecessionfollowingtheterroristattacksonNewYork'sWorldTradeCentreonSept11,2001,Singaporeannounceda $2.2billionpackageto helpwithbusinesscosts,includingtaxandrentalrebates.InOctober2001,the Governmentprovidedanotherboost:an $11.3billionpackagethatincludedtaxcutsandemergencycashforthepoorandjobless.Thesemeasureshelpedtomitigatetheimpactsof globaleconomiccrisisonindividuals,householdsandbusinessesandeffectivelyhelpedSingaporesocietytobouncebackfromtherecession.Similarexamplescanbefoundinthe2003Sarspandemic,2008globalrecession,aswellasthecovid-19pandemic.Inmanycases,Singaporeansfoundthemselvestobemoreresilienttothecrisescomparedto othercountriesin SoutheastAsia,EuropeandevenAmerica,wherechaosandunwisedecisionsareprevalent.Hence,manySingaporeanscanappreciatethe effectivegovernancemoreandbeproudoftheircountryduringmajorglobalcrises,whichhelpstobuildamorecohesivesociety. However, globalcrisesalsoexacerbatedinequalityandledtosocialdivisions.Asthepooraremorevulnerabletofinancialfluctuationsandsocialinstability, manyof themtendto beaffecteddisproportionatelyby majorglobalcrises.Forinstance,duringthe Covid-19pandemic,the trendofautomationande-commercemademanyjobsobsoleteinSingapore,mostlythelow-endworkers.Moreover, thoseinthelowersocialspectrumusuallyfacepoorerworkingandlivingconditions,andarelesslikelyto be ableto workremotely. Thisresultsin a disproportionatelyhighriskofinfectionamongthepoor. Thelower-endworkersalsoboreanexceedinglyhighrateof beingretrenchedascomparedtoaverageworkers.In otherwords,inequalityinoursocietyisexposedandexacerbatedbymajorglobalcrises. Inconclusion,majorglobalcriseshelpSingaporetobecomemoreinnovativeandcohesive.However, it alsoexacerbatedunderlyinginequality. In thefaceof majorglobalissues,governmentsandbusinessescannotresolvealltheproblemsalone.Thus,it isimportantforustostepinasindividualstosupportoneanother, advocateforstructuralchangesandtryourbestto makea differenceto oursocietyandthewholeworld,soastomakethebestoutofglobalcrisesandbuildamorebeautifulandlivableworld. Y4EL2022/Essay/Term3/JoshuaSng Page5

TextB Readthesampleofstudentwritingbelowandidentifyevidenceof(1)assuredness, (2)confidence, (3)conviction, and(4)uniqueness. Thereisnoplacelikehome.Doyouagree? Observations It ispainfullyempty. Insidethis...building,thisconstructI callhome.OrshouldI say- calledhome?Thecoldofthemarblefloorseepsintothesolesofmybarefeet,andtheairisfrigid,stale,uninviting.Thehousehasseenbetterdays,wherewarmthandlaughterusedto permeatetheairandbrightenthenowblank,expressionlesswalls.Onceupona time,thediningtablewasfull- fullofpeople,fullofstories,andfullofthecomfortoffoodthattastedlikehome.Yes,home.Therewasa timewhenthisunfeelingplacewascalledhome.Now,allit isa concretestructurethatstandsalone,devoidoftheloveit onceharboured.Homeisnotexactlyatangibleplace,but rathermoreof a feelingor stateof safety, comfort,belongingandlove.Therefore,I agreethatthereisnoplacelikehome,asthereisnootherplacewhereyoucanfindorexactlyreplicatethesefeelings,excepthome. Homeis theplacewhereyoucanbeyourmosttrueself,withouttheworryof beingjudgedorscrutinised.Whenyouareat theplaceoraroundthepeopleyoucanmostfreelyexpressyourself,youareathome,inyourmostcomfortablestateandsurroundings,withouthavingtobeself-consciousofyouractions.Forexample,whenyouarewiththepeopleyouaremostcomfortablebeingaround,youl