EL P1 Negative Exemplar

2017 olvl q2: Write about a time which you caused great disappointment to another person. What did you do about the situation? I stood in front of the mirror, slowly preening my hair, adjusting my clothes and then sprayed a tinge of deodorant. Then, grabbing my bag, I shouted jovially “Happy birthday Mom, I’ll be back before 6 with a surprise for you!” Touched, my mom said a simple thank yousmiled and reminded me to take care of myself and drink lots of water. It was a hazy late morning as the sun was enveloped by the thick cotton candy like clouds and the air around felt heavy, filled with a slight fog. Checking my schedule on my smartphone, it read like this: -Eleven 11am to one 1pm (tuition class, ); one thirty1:30pm to five 5pm (meet-up with some old friends, ); six 6 to nine 9pm (mom’s birthday celebration), it read. “Wow! today really isIt’s such a jam-packed day! Well, but at least I get get to see some old friendsDavid and John whom I miss dearly again,” I thought. Then, frantically flagging down a bus, I hopped on and headed to tuition class. The next two hours passed desperately slowly, I barely listened or understood what my teacher was teaching and my mind just solely consumed with excitement and eagerness over my impending meet-up. At one, I flung out of my tuition centre and made a beeline to the nearest MRT station, en route to the café where I was going to meet my friends. We had been the closest of friends in primary school; however, we had all gone our separate roads ways after that. It was the first time in 4 four years we would be meeting up as we have all been too busy with the endless onslaught of schoolwork, projects and cca commitments to meetup. Entering the café, I was greeted by familiar faces and the next few hours flew by in a blink of an eye as we laughed, gossiped and ate, all totally consumed and none of us taking note of the time. “Oh no!” I exclaimed filled with sShock and distress overwhelmed me. My eyes grew wide with horror and I saw the time on tThe clock in the café. It was showed it was close to eight 8 pm and I had completely forgotten about my moms’ birthday celebration. I said a quick goodbye and left the café, heart filled with anxiety and trepidation as I headed to the nearest taxi stand to hail a cab back home. Switching on my phone, another wave of panic crashed against me as I had received close to fifteen miss calls and text messages from my Dad impatiently asking me to quickly come home as my family were all waiting for me to start the celebration. However, my efforts at flagging a cab were futile as there was not a single cab in sight. Filled with exasperation and frustration, I rushed to the nearest bus stop and took a bus instead. My heart pounded ominously against my chest, its echoes resonating throughout my being as sweat coupled with fear trickled down my spine the entire bus journey. How could I have forgotten my mom’s birthday? What should I do instead? How should I make up for this? These questions along with the thought of my family’s despondent and forlorn looks on their faces tormented be the entire journey. In hopes of making matters right, I picked up a bouquet of flowers on my way back alongside a card at which I wrote my sincere apology.

Taking a quick glance at my watch which read nine sixteen9:16pm, and with trembling hands I opened my front door. My worst fears had come to past as I was greeted instantly by the sullen faces of my dad and my siblings. Tension and nervousness seeped into my skin and I croaked: “Where i’s mom?” Without a word, my dad pointed to the bedroom. I took slow and wary strides towards the room and with a deep breath, I opened it and saw my mom seated at the corner of the bed, eyes starring blankly at the floor dejectedly. With regret mixed with sorrow, I was totally rooted to the ground, not knowing how I should act. All I could do was to remorsefully whisper “I’m sorry mom” before placing the apology card along with the bouquet of flowers next to her whilst taking a seat next to her. “Dustin” she said after sometime, “It is ok to make mistakes sometimes, we’ are all human. I know you want to have fun and spend time with you friends, just always remember your family. You never know when one of us may depart and I do not want you to live with regret the rest of your life.” Tears trickled down my face as I reached over and gave my mom a hug. Indeed, blood is thicker than water. Too long. Cut out the redundant part. Keep to 500 words only. Must at least show someone was disappointed in you. Maybe make that your father. This compo had too much about you and too little of the other person who is disappointed. Zoom in on that moment. Maybe can describe how your father yelled at you and berated you. Then you tried to explain what had happened. 18/30