How to write a good climax!

Describe the consistent effort you make i trying to overcome your anxiety of deep water. It was finally the day. The day that my fear would fade away. My Dad dragged me towards the pool .E very step I took , my heart beat raced until I could hear it loud and clear. Most importantly , it was the big pool and not the children's pool that I used to practise in . This made it a great disadvantage as I could not walk in the big pool. In the end , I went down into the pool . The water slowly started to reach my mouth. That's when my father pushed off my hands that were holding on to the support bar all this time . I panicked! But I knew I had to apply the swimming skills that I was taught in order to survive. That's when my dad said , “ remember the training you went through. ” Those words hit me hard. I thought to myself about all those harsh training to overcome my fear of swimming. In the end, unlike the multiple previous failed attempts, I started to move my legs vigorously like a frog. As I saw that I was still on the surface, my fear started to fade away bit by bit and my movements started to normalise. I found my pace and slowly started to swim using the frogstyle method . Eventually I gradually started to use freestyle. 1. Remember your comma that you're supposed to add in pauses especially after connectors . 2. Avoid incomplete sentences or clauses. Remember that a sentence or clause includes subject , verb , object. 3. Add connectors that show when something happens to add coherence to the sequence of events to the story. It was finally the day. The day that my fear would fade away. My Dad dragged me towards the pool .E very step I took , my heart beat raced until I could hear it loud and clear as my fear started to become more intense . Most importantly , it was the big pool and not the children's pool that I used to practise in . This made it a great disadvantage as I could not walk in the big pool. In the end , I went down into the pool . The water slowly started to reach my mouth. The chilly feeling of the ice cold water on my body made a shiver run down my spine. That's when my father pushed off my hands that were holding on to the support b